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dear e,

it’s funny that i said the other day that you were the last voice i heard (read) before i fell asleep each night. the reality is that i am the last voice you hear (read) before you fall asleep. you are always out like a light in mid-sentence.

the medicine you take before bed each night makes you fall asleep. first, though, you get loopy. you are very charming when you are loopy. i am not ashamed to admit, i thought that if i were to be with you on this night while you were struggling to stay awake to keep talking to me, i would’ve taken advantage of you.

yes. i am THAT kind of woman. i am THAT kind of person. i would wait until you were just barely conscious enough to be awake, and yet so far gone you would never remember. that’s when i would make my move! i would tip-toe my way over to you and very gently place a kiss on your lips. likely you would be conscious enough to kiss me back briefly. i would run my fingers over your lips. then i would run my fingers, ever so lightly, along your face…visually taking you in while also memorizing every inch of skin. finally i’d run my hand through your hair, down to your neck and back up to your chin. on my way out i would press my fingers to my lips, that are likely trembling and on fire.

i would steal a kiss from you, e, and never tell you about it.

the whole idea seems almost magical, in a way. Christmasy, you might say! i mean, santa never snuck into my room and stole kisses from me. but Christmas has mistletoe! and presents and love! good grief! it sounds like a hallmark Christmas movie in the making.

i bet i can make a million different lives for us to live instead of the ones we have. although, you seem content with where you are at. so starring in my hypothetical movies is as far as you will go i bet. i don’t know. i am driven through life by false hope, tacos and caffeine. the false hope is cheap when you have it and devastating when you run out. i never run out of the other two…that would just be fatal.

i don’t know what our future holds. i really don’t. when i catch the scent of something i want, it’s hard to get me off of that trail. i have tunnel vision. i am persistent and a bit of a bitch because i have a hard time giving up. it’s hard to accept “no” for an answer. you are the same way. add in that sometimes your mouth says “no” but your eyes say “yes. YES. please.” confusion all around.

we are soul mates and that is something we agree on. i’d forfeit all of our sexual tension and potential if it meant i would get to keep you forever. our friendship means the most to me. i could live (miserably) without your touch vs have you for awhile and then lose you for forever.

soulmates are a strange business, e. wouldn’t you agree? there are so many different kinds, in different relationships and on different levels. i am still figuring out our odd match that we have. the connection we have always had, way before my eyes changed and i began to see you in this new, beautifully painful light.

i love you.


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