into the cosmic universe. meant for no one. just a letter to write a letter.
too defeated to continue on today as if nothing has happened. too sad to plaster my signature, award winning, brilliant fake smile and pretend in this fucking world. unable to even have my million thoughts race around all at once. even this is taking effort that i can’t afford to give.
my eyes are heavy, but not from exhaustion. heavy from the realization that i can’t do it and no one will run after me to carry me through right now. they’ll simply say “goodbye”, and i’ll simply keep my head lowered in defeat and despair.
today is the day that i can’t pull it together enough to get up. all i want to do is lie here and hope i disappear. no food, no water, no shower…eventually i’ll fall into a deep nothingness. perhaps today the sadness will keep me under.
staring at nothing. accepting everything. accepting that i am nothing. just a shell. i feel myself leaving. the darkness is overtaking me. the light is leaving. i lost all hope when reality was pounded in. a reality that everyone thought was so important i accepted.
i give up.