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dear d,

as you are aware, i am at the end stages of trading out a somewhat newer, and less familiar, compartment for you. it is shocking to me, too. who would’ve thought that i would’ve willingly came to the lower level to find you and bring you to the surface? apparently there are worse pains out there than you. so, you have been promoted.

it’s so dangerous, bringing you out of retirement. you weren’t placed in your own compartment, in your own room, for no reason. your darkness is so…black. you are more than pain. you are complete destruction. you are rage. you are blinding hatred. you put a smile on my face because you are home. i have missed you.

who would’ve thought? it’s so much easier to dance with you than it is to walk around being the sniveling, whiney-ass victim. it’s nice to catch a smog-infested breath as you surface. and you sure are taking your time surfacing. a little foreplay, eh? fine by me. i have had years without you. i’m stretching right now anyway. you are giving me time to stretch on purpose. you always did like a fair fight.

my knuckles will be popped, my neck loosened up, my body completely flexible. i’m older. wiser. filled with more hatred than you knew before. i am excited to see what kind of self-destruction we can rain down this time. if we want a challenge, it will be strictly internal. external self-destruction has been done. let’s see if that mouth of yours is still just as razor sharp as it used to be. i’ve been listening to the music on the merry-go-round for the last however many years. it’s time for a higher level.

you’re like my dancing partner! we make a hell of a team. last time it took us 30 years to almost reach our goal. reach deep and bring your a-game. it better not take us 3 months! and it’s just us this time. no helpers. in fact, it’s not even an “us.” it’s just “you.” yup. you heard me right. just you. you’re going to have a few forces against you this time so you will be challenged. which is ok with you, because you feed off of conflict.

i will just be somewhere in the middle, floating back and forth, unsure of where to go.

why? because i am so lost. i don’t have a clue. i only know one thing that i want. and now someone has taken my courage away to achieve my goal. so, get it back. good luck. i am unsure if you will win. but, give it your best shot. i didn’t pull you out for no reason. there were so many other lesser compartments i could have retrieved…but i chose you.

earn your money. make the kill-shot. start reminding me why i am a complete waste. give me all the details of why i am nothing. sit down and read me a story about how ugly i am. strike a blow!!! i am braced and ready!

i’m in the cage.


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