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translations

dear e,

you can be arrogant sometimes. before you get upset and start thinking i am insulting you, hush. i’m not. your arrogance is one of your sexiest traits. you can be insecure sometimes. hush. that is not an insult either. it shows a vulnerable side to you that makes you irresistible. it’s a deadly combination.

e, you are intelligent. i have never doubted this. however…you sometimes lack intelligence when it comes to women. calm down. this is not an insult either. and this may only be exclusive to me. i want you to try something with me. a new approach. soften your edges. come at me with transparency and vulnerability. your roughness, the rough edges that you use to block whatever has been thrown at you in the past…they cut me.

you don’t need them to cut through my walls, i’ve already taken them down for you. there is nothing inside, or outside, that requires you to lean on me with your rough edges exposed. i’m not going to hurt you, betray you or reject you.

it has occurred to me that you might not be able to soften your own edges. my guess is that others wore those edges into the roughness you have today. which, by the way, you hide extremely well. you love fully, for the most part. you let people in, but only so far. to the naked eye, an untrained eye, it would go unnoticed. i have noticed, though, because your roughness has rubbed up against me more than once. when it comes to me, when it comes to us (in whatever capacity we may be), i plan on smoothing you right out.

now, if you’d just close your eyes and let my lips meet yours i’d smooth you out a lot faster. especially if you did this while lying naked in my bed. with all of the garbled up mess we have inside, combining that with the physical aspect would make you very soft around your edges. you would melt.

just curious: have you ever thought of the benefits you would receive? how refreshing would it be to get to be 100% yourself with no worry of being shamed or judged? encouraged to be the all of you that you hide from everyone else. enticed to be whoever you want to be at that time, at that place. no restrictions. for me, i always hold back. i have never been me with anyone. there is always some part of me that is kept hidden for whatever reasons. perhaps you want your rough edges out at that time? i toughen up quite a bit during this time. whatever you bring i can handle.

what if you just want to be held for a change? what if you just want rough, dirty, frantic, messy, passionate fucking? the “what if’s” could continue for forever. and all of them i would say “yes” to with you. because you are you, e. because i trust you. because i need you. on some level, on some physical level, i believe you need me too. on all other levels i know we need each other.

how often do you think of me when i am not around? how often do i cross your mind when we are not speaking in some way? how often do you miss me? how often do you wish that we were able to spend more time together? how often do you wish i was beside you?

i walk around and will suddenly have you flash in my head. a picture of me with my neck laid back, your lips on my neck and your hand on my breast. i quit doing whatever i am in the middle of. i’ll be in the middle of a conversation with another person and suddenly there you are. laying on me, inside of me, head to the side of mine, breathing hard. i lose my place in the conversation. another man will be sitting in the room right next to me and i’ll remember a funny joke you made…see your face, watch you laugh. hear your voice. and i’ll start smiling, from my mouth to my eyes, for no reason. he will notice and he will ask what has me so happy? i always reply that it is t, and make up something that she is saying. then i return to you…and my body fills with fire.

when will you finally answer my call? yes, there is urgency in my tone in this letter. i’m sure it will pass and is just due to the circumstances that you are well aware of. regardless, though, urgency is present and strong and i feel compelled to express it. it’s almost time. it is almost time. for that one time.

i love you.

-p

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