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dear e,

i have just woken up from a dream. i fell asleep for about an hour and now am awake again. the dream stole my breath. it stole my breath both in the dream and in life. death. in the dream i died…in a field. the elysium fields.

that is such an excellent movie. i need to watch it again soon. i’ve seen it hundreds of times. it’s one of those kind of movies. that field is so inviting. makes me wish i was there now. perhaps it is true to its name. symbolic that that is the field i died in in my dream.

i’m cold. in bed alone and cold. i woke up holding that pillow close. symbolic of you, i suppose. if you were here right now i would not be on my phone writing you. if you were here i would have my eyes closed and would be breathing you in. deeply. slowly. even if i would have had this same dream and you were here. it would have awakened me and i would have snuggled further into you. moved my hands to grab you. more of you. drawn as close as i could…and breathed. i wouldn’t have awakened you. no need. although i am sure you would have been wakened at my jolt. i like to think you would have grabbed me and pulled me in closer. yes. that’s a comforting thought. being held.

tonight, uh…this morning…is one of those nights where i would want to bury my face in your chest. snuggle face-to-face. i don’t know what difference my mood means when i prefer to be held face-to-face. so much more intimate. yes? protecting my heart more. my physical heart. tonight i actually feel like you being asleep over me. covering me with your body. sheltering me from…everything. keeping me. hiding me. a secret.

of course, now that i’m awake things are a bit different. when i was still half asleep, the thought of burying myself deeper within you and closing my eyes was the most appealing. awake as i am now, though, what is appealing is you…burying yourself deep within me. mmm. yes. i just inhaled deeply at the thought. not that you care, but right now, as i type to you, i am wet and ready. just as i would be if you were here.

the best medicine for a nightmare? sex. intimacy fights off fear. i wonder if you are the sort of person who likes to be waken up for sex? perhaps you are the type of person who simply prefers to sleep? which is it? would you be upset with me, if you were here, and i woke up…and then woke you up?

i would be soft about it. you would think you were dreaming initially. my naked body would already be pressed up against you, entwined with you. you would already have my warmth mixing with yours. if i awoke, i would breathe you in and pull myself closer to you. if i was unable to go back to sleep…

you would feel my breath on your neck. steady and warm. i’m sure i would start the process while i was halfway still asleep. you are delicious, you know. so i would bring myself nearer to you without even thinking. but as i heated up below, i would gradually wake up. take another deep breath of you. move my head a bit to nuzzle your neck. smile. run my nose along your jawline. open my mouth just a bit. exhale.

my hand would wake up. i’d run my fingers along your body. inhale you again, like life. waking me up…in every sense of the word. the more alive i became, so would my breathing. and my ass would begin to slowly move. it would press my front closer to you. my hand would move to your face. i would have an unconscious, slow grind that would be beginning. my breathing would begin to change. lips would delicately press on your neck and just hang there for a minute while i continued to wake. the slow grind would be strong. desperate. you would begin to stir, but would still be asleep as my tongue comes out to taste your neck. yes. much better than just drawing you nearer and going back to sleep.

my hand would be on your back, nails flexing into you gently. i’d free my other arm and press my breasts to you, somewhat moving you on your back. i’d kiss your neck again, slowly. move one hand up into your hair, the other down to your ass. you would be hard now. asleep and hard. a quiet moan would escape you as i press myself harder into you. as i opened my eyes i would find your mouth with mine. slowly i’d use my tongue to open your lips and slip inside. a kiss. a stolen kiss. followed by another. followed by the hand that was on your ass dragging around your body to land on your front side. i’d run my fingers on your balls.

i’d move my fingers up from there, dancing along your shaft to circle your head. yes. now you would begin a bit of a grind yourself as you began to…wake up. another kiss. now you kiss back. a moan. another kiss. your hands come to life. drawing me closer now, you kiss me deeper. officially we are hazy-awake. tired, though. too tired to do much physical labor. so i’ll just turn around, open myself up to you and you’ll just slide right in. yes. you push yourself deep inside and we both moan. early morning hours bring about a unique rhythm. a rhythm that only works during the early morning hours. a sleepy rhythm that is enchanting.

you slide your lower arm around underneath me and bend at your elbow to firmly grasp my breast. you slide your top arm around and seductively down, landing your finger on my clit. we maintain a steady dance…in and out. your finger applies a firm and constant pressure. i feel your lips and tongue on my neck. sleepy sex is priceless. we finish fast. fulfilled. and before you fall out of me we are both asleep. your arms wrapped tightly around me, our bodies inseparable.

yes. i suspect you would be ok with me waking you up in the early morning hours like that. i’m also quite sure i would sleep soundly and peacefully after. satisfied and safe. happy.

next time, my love, i’ll wake you up a bit differently. a kiss on your neck, a kiss on your mouth and then i’ll move down and kiss you somewhere else. i’ll swallow you when you finish next time. my guess is that won’t upset you either.

i love you.


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