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penelopie wilson

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translations

“aim small, miss small.” a saying that i’ve had in my head since the patriot, with mel, came out. aim small, miss small. i suppose it makes sense. i don’t know what makes me think of it, but it comes to mind often. out of nowhere mostly.

aim small, miss small.

aimless. i walk around this world aimless. maybe that is why i miss all the time. the days have been hard lately. very hard.

i curse the air i breathe. i hate my lungs for inhaling. i loathe my heart for beating. i detest my brain for being alive. i wake up each morning wishing i was dead.

alas! here i am. another day in this miserable shithole world. i’m nothing more than a whiney coward. hating my circumstances but lacking the balls to do anything about it. i curse the days but do nothing to end them. i’m weak.

you know the saying, “what is dead may never die”? there is truth to that. on a very deep, philosophical level…it holds much truth. in addition, what is dead may never live, as well. i am a dead woman walking. wandering through life aimlessly. patiently (somewhat) waiting for my turn to leave this life. this life i never asked for.

i’m angry that i was created.

things will never get better. nothing ever really changes. i have lived long enough to know that things go around and around in one giant circle. everything. we repeat and repeat. it’s like the song that never ends.

“some people started singing it, not knowing what it was. and they’ll continue singing it forever just because…this is the song that never ends. yes it goes on and on, my friends. some people started singing it…”

you know the tune. sing it with me! everybody now!

that’s life for me. it goes on and on and on. and it’s the most fuckingly tedious existence. is fuckingly a word? eh, it is now.

i’m way too negative to be writing right now.

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